


i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night

by scandinavian_punk



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, This poor boy, he wants to be with derek and be dumb gays together, it hurt while writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28658313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scandinavian_punk/pseuds/scandinavian_punk
Summary: spencer reid is in love with derek morgan. he wants to confess his love, but how can he do it without destroying the friendship. and added the fact that derek morgan is head over heels with penelope garcia. soon, spencer has to learn to let go.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night

**Author's Note:**

> credits to Teardrops On My Guitar belongs to Taylor Swift

A particular set of dark brown eyes looked at him from across the bullpen. Bright and full of joy and mischievousness. Matched with a contagious smile. One of the many reasons why Spencer loved his best friend. The well-built man walked over to Spencer with two coffee mugs in hand. Derek handed the scrawny man his favorite Star Trek mug. Coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Just how he liked it. Spencer thanked him, with a small smile tugging on his face.

“No problem, pretty boy.” Derek said. Spencer’s heart stopped for a second and a light flushed appeared on his cheeks when Derek called him that. _Pretty boy._ The curly-haired man never got called nicknames until he met Derek Morgan. Every time he got called a nickname by Derek, Spencer fumbled over his words and became shyer around the one he yearned for. He tried. The young man tried to become more confident and lessen his mumbling of words. But how could he? When that’s how he naturally acted around the man he loved. 

_Drew looks at me_

_I fake a smile so he won't see_

_That I want and I'm needing_

_Everything that we should be_

Spencer wondered why. Why did he feel this way for his best friend? _I’m mad at you. For making fall for you. I’m mad at myself. Why did I let myself fall for you?_ These thoughts intruded the young man. So much so, he laid in his bed, wide awake at 3 AM. Every waking moment, his heart aches for Derek to be in his arms. To be his. 

Whenever Spencer started to infodump on a topic, Derek would stay and listen. And that made the young man seen and heard, and made him fall even more with his best friend. From his infectious smile to his wise-crack jokes, Spencer felt lucky to call Derek his best friend. But, he felt unlucky to fall for him. Because Derek Morgan being in love with someone else. The one and only Penelope Garcia. 

_I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about_

_And she's got everything that I have to live without_

The mousy-haired man listened to Derek talk about his baby girl. _His god-given solace._ Every day Spencer felt his heart chip away, piece by piece, and all he could do was be a supportive friend. A friend who fell in love with his friend who didn’t see what was right in front of him. Pinning after a man who himself was pinning after a girl. Silly, wasn’t it? But how can Spencer stop loving him, when his heart made him fall more for him. 

_Drew talks to me_

_I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny_

_That I can't even see_

_Anyone when he's with me_

Penelope came over to the two men and rewarded them with bear hugs. Spencer noticed that the hug between Derek and Penelope was a bit longer than usual. His smile may say one thing, but his sad brown eyes said something less. Why not me? Spencer sighed and walked away from the “couple” and prepared himself for the morning briefing. 

Spencer sat across from Derek at the round table. He tried to pay attention to the case but his eyes always wandered to the man in front of him. A few minutes went by and Spencer was snapped out of his daze by JJ calling for his name.

“Spencer, you okay?” JJ asked. Spencer mumbled over his words in embarrassment.

“Yeah- uh… I’m fine. Totally okay.” the young man kicked himself mentally for almost giving himself away. After Hotch said “Wheels up in 20”, everyone dispersed from the room to get ready for the flight. The only one left was Spencer. He sighed and thought about Derek. He wanted to push the thoughts out of his brain to focus on the case. But how can he when the memories still were all in his head, in burning red. 

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_

_The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_

_He's the song in the car_

_I keep singing, don't know why I do…_

He was in love with his best friend for years and not once did Spencer tell Derek how he felt about him. Secrets shouldn’t exist in friendships. But the young man was afraid of rejection. Fear. Abandonment. He did not want to lose a friend. Spencer’s heart deeply hurt as he could not bring himself to say the words. _I love you, Derek. Forever and always._ But moving on from him was impossible. 

_He's the time taken up, but there's never enough_

_And he's all that I need to fall into_

_Drew looks at me_

_I fake a smile so he won't see_

Even though they were both profilers, Spencer wore his best fake smile, to hide his love and hurt he had for his friend. Soon, the young FBI agent has to learn to let go of his feelings for Derek Morgan. The Stark Trek coffee mug was left on the wooden table. Standing up from his chair, the young man walked out of the briefing room, readying himself for the case. Spencer took his jacket, go bag, and leather crossbody bag from his desk. He walked out of the BAU’s glass doors, heading for the car to be taken to the airway strip. He mulled over the case details in order to forget the one who intruded his mind. 


End file.
